BBC News - Thursday, 13 November, 2003

Mally, 52, lives near the town of Nelspruit in South Africa. He describes his full life with his Swazi foster child Fanikie, a Border collie cross called Jack and a foul-mouthed parrot called Goenk.

HIV appeared in my life silently. I was not aware of it but understood where it most likely came from.

I am gay and had countless sexual partners. A letter from our local blood bank broke the news indirectly. They told me to go to see my doctor - I ignored it!

Just over six years ago, I got seriously ill, the worst flu ever, no regular medication helped. I couldn't keep food down, couldn't sleep, had aches and pains and lost an incredible amount of weight. The doctor's diagnosis was flu!

Then I developed pneumonia. I was to be hospitalised but refused, I was on strong medication and being an idiot - got into my car and drove home, only to awake three weeks later in hospital.

HIV test

I had fallen asleep at the wheel and drove into a ditch. The pneumonia persisted and a nurse suggested an HIV test, the doctors told her to go clean the bed-pans.

I am alive and well and have no intention of leaving this planet for a considerable time to come

I inquired about HIV and the doctor said it was unlikely as HIV had not been reported in Nelspruit as yet but he kept tripping over his words to such an extent that I insisted on the HIV test.

Result: Positive. Diagnosis: Full blown Aids.

My local doctor knew as much about HIV as I do about brain surgery, I made an appointment with a specialist in Johannesburg, 300kms away from where I live.

The diagnosis was confirmed.

Finding a friend

Initially I dropped into a deep depression and contemplated suicide.

But on the one hand I had Fanikie, who I started fostering shortly before I got pneumonia.

His father is an indigent labourer and intelligent Fanikie needed a chance. I feed, clothe and send him to school, he lives with me as my son. He is not a sexual partner.

And on the net I stumbled across a support group, and joined it. It was phenomenal.

I wrote to and met an older guy named Arthur. He explained what all the HIV terminology meant, what was bad and what was good.

Arthur then showed me his photos of his recent trip to Russia and China. Here was a man riddled with HIV for many years who was living, travelling, and making new friends.

I realised that I was not going to die soon.

Arthur also mentioned that a positive attitude is one of the best defences against the virus.

This is where my life changed dramatically. From being the shallow "looking for a lay" type, I started noticing flowers, sun-sets, wild birds and beautiful scenery.

Music had a softer and more meaningful appeal. I had passed a marker on life's path and could not go back. I learned to live a full life in parallel to HIV.

Shallow from the true

It wasn't all moonlight and roses, many friends on hearing of my status virtually ran shrieking for the hills and were never seen again.

Others are understanding, and support me 100%. HIV sorts the shallow from the true friends!!

We have recently had to move home due to others' ignorance and bias.

We lived in a small community where I had created a wonderful albeit small garden.

My status was not kept a secret but not advertised. Some tenants heard of this and Fanikie and myself were labelled unclean.

Life was made unbearable and insults flew within earshot. Fanikie is not positive and I could not have him live under these unpleasant conditions.

We looked at a few other rentable cottages and found a wonderful home, spacious, not in a community, and with a neglected garden - what a wonderful challenge!

We are still finding our feet in the new home. We have decided to keep my infection a secret as ignorance and bias is a nasty enemy!

Fanikie is a soccer fanatic, he is very fit and apart from a bit of gardening, I am the couch potato. Fanikie wants me to join him, his girlfriend Thelma and the soccer team for a jog - no thank you!

Alive

I smoke 30 cigarettes per day and about the same at night. I consume alcohol on rare occasions and never do recreational drugs.

I have a healthy "stash" of Viagra for the odd naughty occasion along with a healthy supply of condoms.

I have an active and busy day at the factory where I do computer design work, and keep an eye on the manufacturing, see clients etc.

I have never been as well as I am at present. Nothing can get me down.

I know that I may have to change medication at some time in the future and that I will be on medication for life, but I am alive and well and have no intention of leaving this planet for some time to come.

There is just too much life to live.
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