BBC News - Tuesday, 2 December, 2003

I donated blood several times in 1992 and 1993. And then I went to work in southern China for a few years. During those years I never felt anything wrong with my health, but my wife said she was feeling a bit unwell.

I often phoned home to see how things were and heard that the situation in the village was not very good because they had found Aids there. I was shocked and really scared.

Although I felt that my general health was good, I was beginning to wonder if I had also contracted the disease. Eventually I drove back to my village in my cab.

My wife and I paid for a test at the local epidemic prevention centre. We found out that we were both HIV positive.

Starting the car business

I felt terribly confused at the time.

Perhaps I hated myself for having sold blood. But that was the situation at the time. The government called upon people to donate blood. If you refused, it was assumed that you were not a normal and healthy person.

Between 20 and 40 people in our village had all donated blood. Some donated more than others did.

I was told I was positive in April this year.

While there was not yet any discrimination within our village and I was able to continue normal activities with others, to go further afield became difficult.

I couldn't go to another village. If people heard that you were HIV positive they would avoid you.

There are four in my family living on a land of just over one mu (about 0.06 hectare). The family depends mainly on my income. I couldn't go out to work and I couldn't be idle. I bought a car and started a car hire business.

I got most of my business from the local city.

As I had been away for several years in southern China, most people around did not know me. That was fortunate. Otherwise, if people knew that I was HIV positive they would definitely not hire my car.

City village life

I have started taking the free medication for HIV virus given to me by the government, but I am not really taking it as prescribed because the side effects are too severe.

My health was originally quite good, but after taking the medication I felt terrible. I felt washed out. I had no energy and was tired and sleepy.

There was pain in my arm, leg and shoulder. I couldn't do any work.

When we were given the medication the health authority proclaimed this cocktail medication to be so wonderful that it could make us live to 80, and we really shouldn't be moaning and complaining.

But, after taking the medication, we didn't feel good at all. Seventy to 80% of the people couldn't continue taking it.

I didn't feel it was suitable for everybody and wanted to wait a little longer to see if there was any better medication.

When I was working in Guangdong province, in southern China, I had nourishing foods and good nutrition.

Living conditions there were good and driving a taxi was considered a rather superior job. I felt happy and my health was quite good. That was probably why the virus in me was not active. However, life in a village in general is much poorer.

People have to do hard labour work so the virus there is more likely to show its effect on people.

Bouts of depression

I feel that my health is good and even if I don't take the medication, I should have no problem living another three to five years.

My problem is mainly the burden I feel in my heart. If no one mentions the disease I tend to forget about it and can chat happily with people. But, if the disease is mentioned I immediately feel depressed.

There was a point when I wanted to die.

Life had no meaning to me anymore and I thought I would rather be dead. I have since calmed down.

But, to be honest, I really think I should feel prepared. Whenever I see other patients lying in bed unable to get up any more I would remind myself that when it is my turn to get ill I must take resolute action and commit suicide. I don't want to suffer such torture.

No time to worry

At present, I seem to be all right. I may be carrying the virus. It is not active yet. Basically I am like a normal person.

My older daughter is studying in the county high school. I told her to concentrate on her studies and that I would support her as long as I could.

My younger son is now 13. According to our village customs I should be preparing to build him a house and starting to look for a wife.

But I can't really worry too much about him now. I don't know how many years I still have to live.

This interview was conducted by Chaoyang Zhao for the BBC's Chinese service.
031202
BB031203

Always watch for outdated information. This article first appeared in 2003. This material is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between you and your doctor.

AEGiS presents published material, reprinted with permission and neither endorses nor opposes any material. All information contained on this website, including information relating to health conditions, products, and treatments, is for informational purposes only. It is often presented in summary or aggregate form. It is not meant to be a substitute for the advice provided by your own physician or other medical professionals. Always discuss treatment options with a doctor who specializes in treating HIV.

Copyright ©1980, 2003. AEGiS. All materials appearing on AEGiS are protected by copyright as a collective work or compilation under U.S. copyright and other laws and are the property of AEGiS, or the party credited as the provider of the content.