Important note: Information in this article was accurate in 2003. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date.
BBC News - Wednesday, December 3, 2003
My name is Tamil and I am HIV positive.
I knew very well what my husband's character was like. I frequently advised him not to have sexual contact with so many people but he always wanted many partners.
I had no parents or support, just the marriage. So I was alone - there was nobody to care for me. But after some time, I said look, I have no-one else, so please change your habits. He did improve, but when I fell pregnant again I decided to go for an HIV test.
He said no - there's no need to be tested. So without him knowing, I went to a clinic for a test.
HIV positive
The result: HIV positive. My husband's workplace was some 50 kilometres away, so I rang him up and told him and I said to him that I'm going to commit suicide. He asked me to promise not to and he came to me.
We both knew he was positive without going for a test. I could only have got it from him.
He is dead now. After I was tested, he fell sick due to the depression. He was healthy but the depression brought it on. At the time I was heavily pregnant and it was too late to have an abortion. He didn't eat properly, he wasn't interested in doing so, he just kept saying: I am going to die, there is no medicine, I am going to die.
He lived for 11 days after my child's birth. The 11th day of my second child's birth, he died. Then on the 40th day, the child also died. She was healthy, very healthy - no symptoms, no fever - we don't know what is the reason. Early in the morning, at 4 o'clock, the child died.
No support
It was very hard for me because if I had an arranged marriage I'd have the family's support. Nor did I have the support of my in-laws.
I didn't tell anybody that I had the virus.
I told them at the time that it was jaundice because I was afraid of the stigma and discrimination.
After finding out about my infection I barely left the house. I stayed inside crying and crying. I was so afraid to tell anyone I didn't receive any counselling.
But now I am starting to tell everyone.
I belong to the Tamil Nadu network of Positive People and work as a peer educator.
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